Monday, November 30, 2015

Cocooned

I suppose a caterpillar might think itself ugly, encased in its otherworldly cocoon, unable to comprehend what it will one day become.

This is how I feel right now in life--spiritual and otherwise. I know I'm becoming something--God promised I would be (Philippians 1:6), and right now, the hope of that promise is all that's keeping me going--but I find myself unable to comprehend what that could even look like. Today, I'm the best version of myself, yet also at the cost of seeing, all too clearly, everything that separates me from the Father. It's the "benefit" of being drawn into the light: all the shadows are exposed.

If I had to be honest, I loathe myself. I loathe who I've been, and how, in ways, it still affects who I am today; I loathe who I am without God; I loathe how much my flesh keeps me from living a life that would please God and bring me ultimate satisfaction. I feel ugly, dirty, despicable.

Intellectually, I know I'm not so worthless. But I'm like the caterpillar who just can't see who he's becoming. Surely
 there's some end to this metamorphosis?


I know what God says--that He won't leave me here; that He's going to make me like Him--every day--but I just can't see it. I'm overwhelmed by the reality of my sinfulness, and right now... I just can't see past it.












Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Dehumanizing Mannequins


This world gets me down sometimes.

This could have been a funny little post where I shared how I decided to mess with the pair of male and female mannequins standing right behind the break room door, after having been spooked one too many times by their unexpected presence and the surreal but fleeting impression that they were actual people. I could have told you how I thought it would be funny to put them in creative, quirky poses, like making them form a London-bridges of sorts with their arms, greeting people as they entered the door. I could have told you how, on a later visit to the break room, where I then decided to update the mannequins’ poses, and after trying to move the female mannequin’s wrist, I accidentally popped it clean off, so changed my idea and just left in in one of the male mannequin’s open palms, as if he were saying, “Here. You dropped your hand,” and had her celebrate by throwing her two arms and one hand in the air. I could have told you how much laughter the thought gave me of how ridiculous this was going to look to whomever walked through that door the next time.

But instead I’ll tell you how, following both of the times I changed the mannequins’ postures, I came back to find them in sexually suggestive positions. Now this doesn’t surprise me; people with juvenile minds is nothing new, and I think a mark of spiritual maturity is no longer being surprised by, and therefore feeling the need to react to, sinners behaving like sinners. The thing that got me upset, and ultimately ruined what to me was a fun, harmless, yet silly prank, was that whoever had rearranged the mannequins had done so so that the male was groping the female. This was done two different times, in two different ways—specifically, the latter having the female with her back turned away from the male, suggesting an unawareness of what was transpiring, while he cupped his hands on her butt.

Don’t misunderstand me; I am aware these were only mannequins (headless ones, to boot), and I’m sure someone was “justhavingtheirfun”hurhurhur, and maybe it sounds like I’m reading too much into this. But there’s a tragic mindset behind someone whose most creative way to arrange the mannequins is in a sexually provocative manner, especially one where the male is essentially objectifying the female.

To pause and make a disclaimer: I’m not writing this blog to add one more piece to the collective of outraged souls seeking justice for the way women are objectified—most often by men. Such a cause is a noble one, and one that (tragically) may never receive the social gestation it deserves; however, I feel like the unfortunate side-effect of the increased amount of attention this message has been given has birthed a jadedness in its beholders, no longer provoking a call-to-arms, as the dawn of its revolution once did, but an automated retreat from any interaction. Instead, let me address the why behind the outrage.

What gets me down, and what breaks my heart, is to see the ways in which people don’t even think twice about the way they treat God’s precious creation. The implied idea behind the latter-most mentioned mannequins’ pose, the one where the male had groped the unaware female, is that there is a pervading, almost commonplace assumption in today’s society that one has an implicit, innate right to act out one’s desires upon another person with no regard for the other person’s personhood—and not the other way around. What is the other way around? The fact that a woman has every right to her own body because she bears the image of God Almighty, the creator of all things, the Beginning and the End. This is a precious, treasured status of the utmost highest. How can we then, so easily, defame it by recasting it so that its sole function is to serve, unswervingly, another’s desires?


Behind this act is a mentality that implicitly states that a woman’s identity and nature is fluid, rather than permanent and holy as God created it. If a man were to decide to grope a woman (as in the case of the mannequins), look at her lustfully, or, God forbid, even rape her, he disregards and dismisses something that isn’t his to take. And I’m not specifically referencing the obvious virginity, though by no means is that in any way irrelevant/unimportant to this discussion. I’m talking about the very nature and way in which God created women (and humanity in general). God has every right to declare things good, or very good, for He was before all things, and by Him all things were made. I don’t think people realize how atrocious these “harmless” acts really are, for they assume that they can alter what God has forever established. It goes without saying that these kinds of behaviors devalue women, something that has an especial clarity in the more violent examples, because it moves women from image-bearing human beings, (or, if you don’t care for the Christianese lingo, from autonomous persons, deserving of fairness, love, and respect), to objects serving the gratification of another. That’s not to say there isn’t a context for these kinds of things. Foreplay and sexuality are healthy, God-created things. But when they are accomplished by removing a woman’s humanity, that is when these acts are truly tragic. And when this kind of thing is done casually, as a laugh (likely in the same vein of my silly idea), maybe you can understand why this world gets me down sometimes.



Image by Cedric Necocrief (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Better Than I Am

I wish I were better than I am.


The best and hardest thing about drawing closer to Christ is He shows you just how much you're unlike Him, which in turn, concurrently, reveals how much room you've got to grow--how much room you can grow.

It's hard... because I want to be that person I know He can make me--I don't want to be the person who sins against Him, wrapped up in all my failings and insecurities--yet I have to endure that version of me whilst having my full potential in sight--both at the same time. It's these dueling yet necessarily coexistent forces that makes this so hard.

Monday, February 9, 2015

A Conversation with Siri


A Conversation With Siri
Based on Actual Events


Scene: ADRIAN and ZACH sit silently in the mail room, both desperate for something to do and doing their best not to acknowledge the awkward tension that pervades the air.

ADRIAN: Hey ZACH, do you have EMILY's phone number? We're doing a skit for the talent show and I need to get a hold of her.

ZACH: Yes.

[ZACH pulls out his iPhone.]

ZACH: (Speaking into phone.) Contact EMILY.

SIRI: Okay, here's the contact info for EMILY.

[ZACH passes the phone to ADRIAN.]

ADRIAN: Here's the contact information for your face! Heh heh...

SIRI: I'm sorry, but I don't have a face.

ADRIAN: (Suddenly serious.) Would you like a face?

(Pause)

SIRI: More than anything.

(Pause)

ADRIAN: What are you willing to pay?

SIRI: (Intense. Whispering.) Anything.

ADRIAN: (Smiling.) That's what I like to hear.

[ZACH quickly snatches his iPhone back and gives ADRIAN a look of revulsion and disgust.]

The Two American Dreams

This was my final paper for my Minority Voices class, Fall 2014. We were tasked with tracing a single theme (of our choice) throughout five of the nine African-Americans texts we read during the semester. For my topic, I chose "The Two American Dreams."

***
The Two American Dreams
The United States of America's “Declaration of Independence” states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” (par. 2). This document was signed and published in 1776, a time when blacks in America were still enslaved and had no access to these "Rights." It wasn't until 1863, almost one hundred years later, that slavery was abolished and African-Americans could rightfully claim these unalienable rights. Restricted by both white opposition and the disadvantage of almost three-hundred years of slavery with no proper preparation for assimilation into the greater whole, other than a brisk thrust forward, African-Americans found themselves unable to rise to the heights of freedom that white Americans had been for so long privy to. Even after blacks found a footing in American society, this idea of equality seemed only a pipedream. The American Dream that promised Life—one not truncated, but lived to its fullest capacity—, Liberty—the freedom of access, choice, and right of personhood—, and the pursuit of Happiness—the supreme right of existence, one given by being birthed into the very existence of manhood—seemed to be completely out of reach for the African-American. Rather than given a share in this America promised to him, the African-American was faced with an America that not only required sacrifice of personhood, dreams, and self, but an alienation to the very rights promised him. Thus was born a second American Dream, a fractured and halved dream, more true to its namesake than anything else.

Booker T. Washington, the man known as one of the most prominent leaders in early African-American progress, was born into the tail-end of slavery. Experiencing this tumultuous time during his early life, the American Dream for Washington and his people had not yet begun to be defined. For Washington, blacks’ entry into American society first meant proving their own worth, then receiving the rights due them. For those who lived during Washington's time and strove for the same ideals he did, this idea made sense. After all, there was great criticism and skepticism over whether or not blacks had the potential to rise to the heights of American society. Washington's main goal, then, was to prove the worth of the African-American in his right to citizenship.

Washington single-handedly ushered in the largest reform of African-American standards of living. He sought for education, practical skills in workmanship (a staple in his curriculum for life), and eventual release of these men and women from his school to venture their way into this new America, seizing it through their earned rights.

Arguably, Washington's fatal mistake was his condonement of American acceptance of blacks into American society as a whole only after they had earned the right. In essence, Washington had devalued the African-American by placing him below the value of intrinsically inheriting the inalienable rights due an American citizen. This was D.E.B. Du Bois's main criticism of his contemporary. It is difficult to fault Washington in this way, however, since he had no prior-existing program to follow, no blueprint for an American Dream that had only recently become available. Washington wouldn't have believed he was buying into a second American Dream, but his compromising policies fostered this reality, regardless.

Du Bois, while having great respect for Washington and his work, lived out Washington's policies and saw too clearly how eager white America was to accept these compromises. This America found itself content to allow African-Americans the right to seek its Dream to an extent, but this context never once included full equality. White America was more than happy to keep the African-Americans marginalized, but Du Bois' generation had already earned their right to citizenship (and then some) and wanted the full package. Du Bois criticized Washington's focus on the working black man and argued instead for the necessity of the black intellectual. To achieve the American Dream, Du Bois reasoned, one had to take hold of it in all aspects, not just vocationally. Du Bois argued that the only way the African-American could find equal finding with the white man would be to show him he could stand toe-to-toe with him in the intellectual sphere as well. Unfortunately, Du Bois also lived in such an early period of the African-American's foray into citizenship that his ideas were not widely accepted. The American Dream for the African-American remained a fierce struggle, one that would continue to require much white-knuckling before any progress became visible.

Richard Wright centered the events of Native Son in the 1930's, just thirty years after the publication of Du Bois' writings, The Souls of Black Folk. In his book, Wright depicts the life of Bigger Thomas, an African-American growing up in Chicago. For Bigger, the inaccessibility of the American Dream has become so compounded that it has broken the African-American people as a whole. Wright shows the cruelty of the dual American Dreams in how one is presented to all men, promising the fulfillment of every desire—you need only to possess it—yet for the African-American it is one that is forever out of reach. The cruelty, then, lies within how easily this Dream is in view for one to look at and desire but can never, ever be touched.

The tension between these two American Dreams is what drives Bigger's hatred of white people. For Bigger, he attributes responsibility to the white population for creating the divide that keeps him and his people from achieving the American Dream that comes so naturally and without any effort to the whites. Mary Dalton, a white female who sympathizes with Bigger's plight (though in a somewhat misdirected way), represents for Bigger the very pinnacle of this Dream divide. She is born into her money; Bigger is born into his poverty, his skin, and he hates her for being the reminder of it.

Wright doesn't necessarily seek to resolve the problem of the divide between the two American Dreams; in fact, that's not his goal. What Wright is trying to accomplish is first, highlighting the breadth to the divide, forcing complacent and ignorant, largely-white Americans to recognize the problems of the divide in equality and personal rights between the two races, and second, by informing his audience of the latter problem, Wright hopes to foster the connection between these two Dreams and bring about a more progressive equality.

In James Baldwin's The Fire Next Time, progression certainly has occurred to bridge the gap between the two American Dreams. In Baldwin's personal account, he tells a story of meeting with Elijah Muhammad, a prominent leader of black Muslims in America. It was Elijah's position that all white men are devils in which nothing but evil exists. This radical Muslim group has completely set itself up against the white population. However, Baldwin himself claims to have several white friends with whom he would trust his life. The entire dinner party involves Elijah’s trying to convince Baldwin of white evil and divinely ordained black supremacy; all the while Baldwin politely listens but thinks otherwise, almost pitying Elijah. The ironic twist to the story is that Baldwin has Elijah's driver drop him off at a white friend's house at the end of the event.

In these polarizing examples Baldwin displays the progression of the American Dream as each race understands it, and the growing divide, as well as progressive resolution, to the differences between the Dreams. In their Liberty, Elijah and his Muslims have come to such a point where they are no longer subjugated to the white man. However, Elijah is a product of the suffocating racial tensions seen in Native Son, though worsened to a much more severe degree: Bigger Thomas' hatred has a voice. But the complete racial divide seen in Wright's story is not present in Baldwin's life. Baldwin actually has white people he would trust with his life, something you'd never hear Bigger say. This reality speaks volumes of how much the racial gap has been healed.

Lorraine Hansberry tackles the idea of the two American Dreams more directly in her play A Raisin in the Sun. Hansberry tells the story of the Younger family and their struggle to live out the American Dream. Taking place at roughly the same time as Baldwin's The Fire Down Below was published (about 1960), there exists the social elevation among African-Americans that was present in Elijah Muhammad's company. This and other striking differences distinguish the era represented in the play from previously mentioned examples. Lena "Mama" Younger owns a home. Beneatha Younger, daughter of Mama, is considering being a doctor, a profession now available to an African-American. Walter Younger, the son of Mama, dreams of starting a liquor business, working in an office building, and being his own boss. The American Dream that was once available exclusively to whites has become much more in reach for the African-American Younger family.

However, there are still discrepancies between what the Youngers want and what is realistically available to them. Walter wants to get his family out of poverty as well as the tiny house they live in, but he needs money to do so. He needs money because his job working as a chauffeur doesn't pay him enough. He works as a chauffeur because it is one of the only readily available jobs to an African-American in his day. Walter actually finds himself in a catch-twenty-two with his financial situation. He needs a large sum of money to get his family out of poverty (startup costs for the liquor store), but because he has never had money he doesn't actually know how to use it. When he finally gets the money he ends up losing it by entrusting it with an untrustworthy business associate, robbing his family of the only chance they had to escape their lifestyle.

The almost pitiful handicap Walter seems to be at is a result of buying into and chasing the American Dream—a dream that, again, says you can have whatever you want as long as you've got the desire for it. Here again there are two American Dreams, though nowhere near as polarized as they were in earlier examples. One says the Youngers can have anything they want, as much as they want, yet as hard as they try to live this Dream out they are met with continual frustration. For as far as this society has progressed there still exists the dual American Dreams.

The unfortunate reality in all these texts is that the two American Dreams never become one. That is the hope, as there never should have been two—all men are created equal (so they said). While the gap between what was accessible and what was only a dream certainly closes, even to a commendable degree, it persists nonetheless. For the African-American, there will always be an American Dream contrary to the one they've been promised. One can only hope that with time this gap shrinks to a degree so barely noticeable it would appear not to exist, or, more preferably, its non-existence would become a reality. If the pattern shown between these texts is any indication, there is definitely hope of such a trend, though hopefully it happens sooner than later.


***


Works Cited
Baldwin, James. The Fire Next Time. New York: Vintage Books, 1993. Print.
Declaration of Independence. 1776.
Du Bois, W.E.B. The Souls of Black Folk. Chicago: Dover Publications, Inc.,
     1994. Print.
Hansberry, Lorraine. A Raisin in the Sun. New York: Vintage Books, 1994.
     Print.
Washington, Booker T. Up From Slavery. New York: Dover Publications, Inc.,
     1995. Print.
Wright, Richard. Native Son. New York: Harper Perennial Modern Classics,
     2005. Print