Story Time: I Don't Know How to Use My Horn

Story Time!

So I don't know how to use my horn. Here's what I mean: I grew up in a small town of 600 people with almost no cause to ever use my horn. Traffic for us was three cars leaving the grocery store in the evening. Scary stuff. That, and I'm just not the kind of person to immediately rail on my horn if someone cuts me off or does something I don't like. Basically, I don't have the muscle memory to use it.

That being said, there are some times when I need to use my horn, perhaps to alert someone to my presence before they accidentally hit me backing up or something. But not only do I lack the muscle memory but I've almost never used it, so I often forget it's even there.

So in situations like today, where I'm driving on the freeway and someone merges into the same lane and exact spot I'm occupying, rather than quickly sounding my horn to warn them, I just panic, say things out loud in my car ("Hey. "No." "Watch out."), and just helplessly watch things unfold.

There must be some part of my brain that realizes I need to be doing more, and maybe somewhere deep inside it knows it has to be something to do with my hands, but the horn-related thought pathways between my brain and my body are so dilapidated and decayed from years of vacancy that the final message comes out muddled and incoherent, so all I end up doing is giving them a rather nonspecific wave as they drive away, as if to suggest some queer camaraderie has come out of this confusing mess.

But tonight! Tonight I remembered! Granted, it was in my apartment parking lot and I had much more time to react, but I remembered nonetheless!

So I come home and this car is parked out in the lane, but directly in front of my spot. I drive up slowly behind him and notice a cigareTte in his outstretched arm; this guy's relaxed and probably doesn't even notice me. This is it! The perfect situation to finally put my horn skills to work! I push my palm into the center of my steering wheel but don't hear a sound. Oh great. I can't even do this correctly! I try again. Nothing.

Guess what I learned? My horn doesn't work.