Cats Killed My Parents

Detroit Police Department
Evidence File # 962JT700-1
Filed: November 24. 2012
Category: Recovered Journal Entry
Subject: Adrian Henske
Date: Unknown/Unspecified

Cats killed my parents 37 years ago. There hasn't been a night that's gone by that I don't think about it. Revenge has consumed me. My innocence is gone. My single, solitary thought is bent on finding them. I'll do whatever it takes...

I've begun taking on particular behaviors to try to get inside the mind of a cat. I groom myself by licking my hand and patting my hair down, then repeating this process several times. Yeah, I know it's not very sanitary. Sometimes I wake up with a bad hair day, and no amount of saliva can get my hair to stay down. I don't know how they do it, but I think I'm getting closer...

Questions haunt me. Why cats? Where have they gone? How do I find them? I don't know! My Kitten's Mittens® scratching post provides me little relief from this never-ending torment.

I know what they say. They try and tell me that a cat's average life span is 15 years, and that the cats who killed my parents couldn't possibly be alive today, but there's just something in my gut, this sick feeling, something I can't ever get rid of, that tells me they're out there somewhere, walking around, meowing, occasionally falling off things, yet landing on all fours. Yeah, they're out there all right. And I'm gonna' find them...

End of journal entry.